Nan McCarthy

author of Since You Went Away, Chat, Connect, Crash, & Live ’Til I Die

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2 For Those Who Make Art

  • May 22, 2014
  • by Nan McCarthy
  • · Blog · Family · Parenting

(In this season of graduations, here’s a piece I wrote two years ago reflecting on our older son’s graduation from art school. It originally appeared in May 2012 in the Kansas City Star.)

Nan McCarthy

Sitting in a darkened auditorium at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago that blazing August morning back in 2008, I listened, enchanted by the speaker at the podium, whose words etched themselves in my memory. The occasion was new-student orientation, and my son, about to begin his freshman year at SAIC, sat next to me, doodling in his program. The speaker, Tony Jones, chancellor and former president of the School, said a lot of funny things in his introductory remarks, including the obligatory jokes about Chicago winters. He may not have had my son’s full attention at the start, but when he got down to talking about artists and art, Jones really captured his audience of nascent artists and anxious parents.

Jones talked about the type of student who goes to art school. He said if you choose to study art because you like art better than any other subject, or if you choose to study art because you’re good at it, then you shouldn’t be at art school. He went on to say that if you choose to attend art school for any reason, you shouldn’t be there. As Jones put it, the only reason to pursue art in college is when you can’t imagine yourself doing anything but art.

The other thing Jones pointed out is that, in today’s world, it takes a lot of courage to be an artist. We live in a society that places a lot of importance on college majors like science and business. Not that we shouldn’t place a high value on these areas of study (our younger son is a biomedical engineering student who will no doubt make his own great contributions to the universe). But the emphasis on math and science comes at a cost. A young person who wishes to pursue art is often discouraged from doing so by parents and other well-meaning adults. As parents of an art major, our conversations with other parents often go something like this:

Your son goes to art school? What’s he going to do—teach?

No, he wants to be a studio artist.

Yes, but what does he want to do?

He wants to make art.

OK. But what’s his real job going to be?

You get the idea. If we as parents find it challenging (or amusing, depending on your mood that day) to explain our students’ vocation, imagine how they must feel. That’s why Jones said it takes a lot of courage to be an artist. Art is hard. Not just a hard way to make a living, but hard in the way of finding one’s place, both in the art world and in the world at large. And no one puts himself out there quite like an artist does. Imagine taking a piece of yourself and putting it on display for others to see and comment on, day after day. Artists find strength in vulnerability. Artists are makers. They make something from nothing. How many of us can claim the ability to do that?

I won’t bore you with why I think art and the makers of art are vital to human existence, other than to say, what a humdrum world it would be without art! Suffice to say, four years and countless sleepless nights since that August morning in 2008, our son is now preparing to graduate. Not all of the students have made it this far. Of those who have, many have fought hard to get to this point—our son included. I can’t wait to see him walk across the stage. When he does, I’ll not only be filled with pride for his accomplishments, but with admiration for his courage.

ben's graduation SAIC

copyright © 2012 Nan McCarthy

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1 To My Sons: What I Would Like for Mother’s Day

  • May 7, 2014
  • by Nan McCarthy
  • · Blog · Family · Parenting

This piece was originally published in May 2013 as a Facebook Note. I’m wishing a Happy Mother’s Day to all my friends and family. I know Mother’s Day can be a sad day for many of us—a time when we miss our mothers who are no longer here, when we grieve children who left us too soon, when fractured relationships make it hard to feel celebratory. So grab whatever happiness you can find and treat yourself with kindness this Mother’s Day. We’re all just doing the best we can, right? —Nan

 

To My Sons: What I Would Like for Mother’s Day
Nan McCarthy

I want you to have good hearts and be kind to others.

I want you to be independent, self-motivated, and self-sufficient.

I want you to love yourself, but never stop trying to be a better person.

I want you to love each other, and be there for each other when I’m gone.

I want you to be honest with yourself and others.

I want you to be true to yourself even if some people would rather you not.

I want you to feel love and be loved and love freely, even though that means you’ll probably be hurt sometimes.

I want you to be lifelong learners.

I want you to read a lot.

I want you to do what you say you’re going to do.

If you screw up, I want you to own it, apologize, and try to do better next time.

I want you to treat others with respect, and demand to be treated with respect in return.

I want you to put others before yourself sometimes.

I want you to know life is not fair, but keep being optimistic.

I want you to be able to keep your sense of humor even in the dark times—especially during the dark times.

I want you to work hard, work before you play, and when you do play, enjoy yourself (as long as your work is done first).

I want you to be curious about others—genuinely curious.

I want you to know you don’t know everything.

I want you to choose happiness, and understand that you have to keep choosing happiness over and over again, every morning you wake up.

I want you to do what you love. Sometimes that’s not what you imagined it would be, so you have to stay open to new possibilities.

I want you to be grateful for simple things, like a good night’s sleep, a walk outdoors, food in your tummy, warmth when it’s cold outside, and a soft clean pillow on which to lay your head at night.

I want you to keep your word.

I want you to be able to forgive others and never leave room in your heart for hate.

I want you to know I would give anything for your happiness, including my life.

I want you to remember I was once young just like you, that I had hopes and dreams just like you, and that you’re never too old to dream—because if I can keep dreaming, so can you.

I want you to know the value of hope. Hope is everything.

I want you to remember things always seem worse in the middle of the night. It will be better in the morning, I promise.

I want you to think of me as a whole human being who has feelings just like you, but also know that I’ll never stop being your mom, and there’s no one on this earth who believes in you more than me.

p.s. A homemade card with a handwritten note would also be nice.

copyright © 2013 Nan McCarthy

nanbencoletroubleyoda.mdm

 

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