Nan McCarthy

author of Since You Went Away, Chat, Connect, Crash, & Live ’Til I Die

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Category: Military life

1 Since You Went Away, Part Four: Fall

  • November 13, 2020
  • by Nan McCarthy
  • · Books · Family · fiction · Military life · Since You Went Away (Part Four: Fall) · Titles

Since You Went Away, Part Four: Fall 
Nan McCarthy
(Rainwater Press, 2020) 308 pages
F I C T I O N

In the spectacular conclusion to her Since You Went Away quartet, Nan McCarthy delivers jaw-dropping plot twists that will keep readers turning pages late into the night. McCarthy deftly weaves multiple plot threads with surprising reveals until the very last page, wrapping up each character’s storyline with a heart-stirring, satisfying finale.

Set against the backdrop of the Iraq war in the year 2008 and featuring a deeply human cast of characters, readers will find themselves immediately drawn into the realistic yet entertaining orbit of the Mahoney family. While most war stories focus on the drama on the battlefield, Since You Went Away shines a light on the battles being fought on the homefront, lifting the curtain on the most challenging and emotional period in the life of a military family: deployment. Suspenseful and surprisingly funny, McCarthy creates a world that’s eminently relatable to readers both inside and outside the military.

Propelled by a plot that accelerates with each book in the series, Since You Went Away portrays in intimate detail the effects of a distant war on the families and returning veterans at home. At once poignant and darkly funny, it is a fly-on-the-wall account of the innermost workings of a military family—their fears and hopes, their struggles and disappointments, their unexpected moments of joy and comfort and laughter.

This is Part Four of a novel released in four parts.

N O W   A V A I L A B L E  

 

Click on this link to order the paperback.

 

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Click one of these to order the ebook.

 

The Since You Went Away series is now available from bookstores, libraries, & other retailers via Ingram distribution. Ask for the book by name at your local bookseller or library.

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Due to ongoing technical issues at Barnes & Noble, the nook version of Since You Went Away is not yet available.

 

 

about the author:

Nan McCarthy is the author of the Since You Went Away series, Chat, Connect, & Crash, Live ‘Til I Die, and Quark Design. The Chat, Connect & Crash series, originally self-published, was acquired by Simon & Schuster and published in trade paperback in 1998. Nan regained the rights to the series and released new editions in 2014. A former magazine editor & technology writer, Nan founded Rainwater Press in 1992 and began selling her books online in 1995. Nan and her husband, a veteran who served 29 years in the Marine Corps, are the proud parents of two adult sons. Nan wrote Since You Went Away after taking a ten-year break from full-time writing to care for the family during her husband’s frequent military travels.

Cover design & illustration by David J. High, highdzn.com
Interior design by Kevin Callahan, BNGObooks.com + David J. High
Cover art from Shutterstock illustrations by rudall30, Radiocat, Lana_Samcorp, & Kevin Sanderson

 

 

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0 Looking for a way to honor veterans & celebrate the Marine Corps Birthday?

  • November 6, 2020
  • by Nan McCarthy
  • · Blog · Books · Family · fiction · Military life · Since You Went Away (Part One: Winter)

Since You Went Away: Part One now 25% off (print) & 50% off (ebook)

Honor our veterans and celebrate the Marine Corps Birthday this year by immersing yourself in the story of a modern-day military family. While most war stories focus on the drama on the battlefield, Since You Went Away shines a light on the battles being fought on the homefront. Suspenseful and surprisingly funny, Nan McCarthy creates a world that’s eminently relatable to readers both inside and outside the military.

From now until midnight November 11th, you can purchase Part One of the Since You Went Away series (print) for only $5.95 (normally $7.95 on Amazon & $14.95 in bookstores). Or download the ebook version on Amazon for only $1.99 (normally $3.99).

Set against the backdrop of the Iraq war in the year 2008, Since You Went Away lifts the curtain on the most challenging and emotional period in the life of a military family: deployment. Featuring jaw-dropping plot twists and a deeply human cast of characters, readers will find themselves immediately drawn into the realistic yet entertaining orbit of the Mahoney family, turning pages late into the night.

This offer is available exclusively on Amazon, through midnight November 11th only. Instead of thanking a veteran on Veterans Day, give yourself a chance to view the world through their eyes—and through the eyes of their families back home, who keep watch and wait.

Click here to order the paperback.

Click here to order the ebook.

about the author:

Nan McCarthy is the author of the Since You Went Away series, Chat, Connect, & Crash, Live ‘Til I Die, and Quark Design. A former magazine editor & tech journalist, Nan founded Rainwater Press in 1992 and began selling her books online in 1995. Nan and her husband, a veteran who served 29 years in the Marine Corps, are the proud parents of two adult sons. Nan wrote Since You Went Away after taking a ten-year break from full-time writing to care for the family during her husband’s frequent military travels.

Cover design by David High.
Cover art by Larry Jacobsen.

Since You Went Away, Part One: Winter
Nan McCarthy
(Rainwater Press, 2017) 172 pages
F I C T I O N
Part Two: Spring and Part Three: Summer now available. Part Four: Fall available later this month!

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3 You don’t have to believe the Atlantic article to know Trump doesn’t respect our military

  • September 4, 2020
  • by Nan McCarthy
  • · Blog · Military life · Politics

I’m the spouse of a vet who served 29 years in the Marine Corps. So when Donald Trump began publicly insulting service members and veterans early on in his presidential campaign, I took notice.

Nan McCarthy

A lot of people are saying that since Jeffrey Goldberg’s recent Atlantic article quotes anonymous sources (Trump: Americans who died in war are “losers” and “suckers,” Sept. 3, 2020), the entire article is “fake news.” I happen to disagree, but let’s pretend for a moment that Goldberg’s extremely credible piece of journalism is unverifiable. (Journalism 101: Just because an article quotes anonymous sources doesn’t mean the journalist doesn’t know who those sources are. In fact, quoting sources who wish to remain anonymous involves an even more exhaustive vetting process than if the sources had allowed themselves to be named.) 

So for the sake of argument, let’s consider only the things Trump has said publicly about the military — on the radio, on television, and on his own Twitter feed. Certainly you wouldn’t call the videotape of Trump saying John McCain “isn’t a war hero” because “he was captured” fake news, right? Just roll the tape from the 2015 Family Leadership Summit in Ames, Iowa where Trump appeared when he was a presidential candidate. He also calls John McCain a “loser” earlier in that same tape, and a few days later (July 18, 2015 at 4:45 p.m.), Trump retweeted an article about the event with the headline “Donald Trump: John McCain is ‘A Loser.’” Whether or not you agree with John McCain’s politics, he served in the military 23 years and was a prisoner of war for six of those years. To say he is a “loser” and “not a war hero” shows a heartless disrespect for the thousands of surviving POWs still living among us, as well as the tens of thousands of American service members who remain unaccounted for.

I am the spouse of a veteran who served 29 years in the Marine Corps. So when Donald Trump began publicly insulting service members and veterans early on in his presidential campaign, I took notice. (It’s worth noting I’d been a registered Republican for 34 years until that point.) After Khizr and Ghazala Khan spoke at the Democratic National Convention on July 28, 2016, Trump belittled them in an interview with George Stephanopoulos of ABC News, speculating that Mrs. Khan was not “allowed” to speak. (“If you look at his wife, she was standing there, she had nothing to say, she probably — maybe she wasn’t allowed to have anything to say, you tell me.”) Mr. and Mrs. Khan are Gold Star parents. Their 27-year old son, U.S. Army Capt. Humayun Khan, was killed in Baqubah, Iraq in 2004. In that same interview with Stephanopoulos, Trump likened the Khan’s sacrifice of losing a son in the war to his own experience running a business: “I think I’ve made a lot of sacrifices. I’ve worked very, very hard. I’ve created thousands and thousands of jobs.” These are things Trump said on film. No anonymous sources. Words that undeniably came out of Trump’s mouth. By disrespecting one Gold Star family, he disrespected all Gold Star families, along with the memories of hundreds of thousands of service members who gave all.

In two separate radio interviews with Howard Stern in the 1990s, Trump compared his sexual exploits to serving in Vietnam. In 1993, while discussing the dating scene with Stern, Trump likened his efforts to avoid sexually transmitted diseases to being a soldier: “Dating is like being in Vietnam. You’re the equivalent of a soldier going over to Vietnam.” He did so again in 1997: “It is a dangerous world out there — it’s scary, like Vietnam. Sort of like the Vietnam era. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave soldier.” Listen to the audio. That is Trump talking. Comparing dating and having sex with serving in Vietnam. Then ask a Vietnam veteran if their time in Vietnam was like dating. Or better yet—ask the mother, father, brother, sister, child, or spouse of someone who died in Vietnam if they would say their loved one’s efforts to avoid getting blown to bits by not stepping on a land mine in the jungles of Vietnam is like trying to avoid getting an STD in the New York City dating scene.

Then there are the lies about Veterans Choice. The Veterans Choice Act, which allows veterans to seek care outside of the VA health system, was written by John McCain and Bernie Sanders and signed into law by President Obama in 2014. By some estimates, Trump has lied about and attempted to take credit for Veterans Choice more than a hundred times. During a rally appearance in June 2019, Trump is filmed saying “They’ve been trying to get that [Veterans Choice] passed for 44 years.” On August 8, 2020 Trump was filmed at his Bedminster, NJ golf club saying, “We passed Choice as you know, Veterans Choice. They’ve been trying to get that passed for decades and decades and decades and no president’s ever been able to do it. And we got it done. So veterans have choice.” At another filmed appearance Trump says, “The vets — the VA was in horrible shape. Now, they have choice. And nobody could get choice. John McCain couldn’t get it. Nobody could get it. They tried for years. They couldn’t get it. I got choice for the vets.” What’s interesting is that Trump could easily — and honestly — claim credit for extending and expanding Veterans Choice when he signed the Mission Act in 2018. But instead he chooses to continue insulting veterans and the people who care for them by blatantly lying about his role in Veterans Choice. Again, these are words Trump has been filmed saying in public, in front of an audience. No anonymous sources. Watch the tapes.

In a tweet dated October 12, 2019 referring to Green Beret Maj. Mathew Golsteyn who was charged with war crimes, Trump described service members as “killing machines”: “We train our boys to be killing machines, then prosecute them when they kill.” This shows a complete lack of understanding of the American military, how it works, and what it stands for. (Trump also ended up pardoning two other convicted war criminals in addition to Golsteyn.) This lack of understanding on the part of the president, the Commander in Chief of our armed forces, further demonstrates a lack of respect for our service members by Trump’s failure to educate himself on something as basic as the Military Code of Conduct. No anonymous source here. The tweet is there for all to see in Trump’s Twitter feed.

There are so many other instances in which Trump has insulted our military on the record, in his own words, whether it be via television, radio, or tweet. That time he accused troops in Iraq of stealing money meant for Iraqis (“I want to know who were the soldiers that had that job, because I think they’re living very well right now, whoever they may be.”) Or that time he called Gen. James Mattis, a beloved Marine Corps general, “the world’s most overrated general.” Or that time he said “I don’t care what the military says” during a Fox News interview about renaming Army bases. Or how about when Trump said he “knows more about ISIS than the generals do.” Or when he described service members suffering from PTSD as “weak” and said “they can’t handle it.”

Go ahead, don’t believe Jeffrey Goldberg’s article in The Atlantic because, as you say, it quotes anonymous sources. But tell me, how do you discredit the audio recordings, the videotapes, the tweets coming directly from Donald Trump? If you didn’t already know before The Atlantic article came out that Trump doesn’t care about our military, you haven’t been paying attention.

 

 

Nan McCarthy is the author of the Since You Went Away series, the Chat, Connect, Crash series, and the memoir Live ’Til I Die. A former magazine editor and tech writer, Nan founded Rainwater Press in 1992 and began selling her books online in 1995. She started writing the Since You Went Away series in 2012, after taking a ten-year break from full-time writing to care for the family during her husband’s frequent military travels. Nan and her husband, a veteran who served 29 years in the Marine Corps, are the proud parents of two adult sons.

 

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2 I’m not a fan of surprise military reunion videos and here’s why

  • February 6, 2020
  • by Nan McCarthy
  • · Blog · Family · Military life
As the spouse of a vet who served 29 years in the Marine Corps, I’m not a fan of surprise deployment reunions, and I’m especially not a fan of surprise reunions that are filmed for public consumption.
Nan McCarthy

A lot of great conversations are happening on social media right now as a result of the surprise reunion at Tuesday night’s State of the Union address. Military spouses are speaking out on Facebook and Twitter and blog posts about their personal experiences with deployment reunions, which can be awkward and uncomfortable and stressful even when they’re not a surprise and / or being filmed on national TV. Just this morning The Washington Post published an article by Alex Horton on this very topic, quoting military spouse Rebekah Sanderlin, whose funny, sad, intimate, and powerful tweets on military reunions have so far received thousands of likes and hundreds of retweets.

As the spouse of a vet who served 29 years in the Marine Corps, and as a writer who’s been closely following issues related to military family life for more than a decade now, I’m happy to see this conversation taking place and gaining traction among the general public. And while I’m not a fan of surprise deployment reunions—and I’m especially not a fan of surprise reunions that are filmed for public consumption—I see only good things coming from the current conversation that’s happening as result of a nationally televised military reunion viewed by millions of Americans. It’s an excellent opportunity to draw the curtain and invite non-military families to learn more about what it’s like to love someone who happens to be in the military.

Surprise reunions are hard on military kids, especially younger ones. During a deployment, according to another Washington Post article by Tara Swords, military kids live in a constant state of heightened anxiety and experience a higher rate of emotional problems compared to their friends from non-military families. Explains child psychologist and retired Army general Stephen Xenakis (as quoted in the above WP article), even if their deployed parent is serving at a relatively safe forward operating base—in a non-combat-capacity—that distinction is difficult for younger kids to grasp. They do grasp that something terrible could happen to their deployed parent. Surprising already anxious kids in front of television cameras—even for a positive moment such as a reunion—only adds to their anxiety.

Surprise reunion videos sugarcoat and romanticize military life. They give the false impression that life magically returns to normal the moment the service member comes home. Yes, reunions are incredibly joyful, but they are also incredibly stressful, even for the adults.

While many veterans and military families adjust pretty well after a deployment, the reality for the military population at large is often darker and scarier than most people realize. Even I was caught off guard by the months-long struggles that ensued after my husband’s last deployment to Iraq in 2008, and he’d been in the military 26 years at that point.

Reunion videos gloss over the fact that once a deployed service member returns, in many cases their challenges are only just beginning. Deployments change people—both the service members and their families. Sometimes these changes are positive, but oftentimes they are not. Military families face higher divorce rates. Many veterans encounter unemployment, homelessness, and mental health issues including suicide (not to mention other serious health challenges as a result of physical injuries, including lost limbs and traumatic brain injury).

I don’t judge military families who like surprise reunions. I don’t judge people who like surprise reunion videos—they make me cry too. I would like to see more education and support for military families and veterans—not only during deployments & homecomings, but after the dust has settled, when service members and the people who love them are struggling to put their lives back together. If you’re interested in learning more about how to support veterans and military families, here are just a few of my favorite charitable organizations with military-related missions: Blue Star Families, Team Rubicon, Semper Fi Fund, Heart of America Stand-down.

On a final note, as Horton makes clear in his Washington Post article, let’s remember and honor the Gold Star Families who’d give anything to see their service member come home, no matter the circumstances.

 

(These photos were taken in 2008 at the end of my husband’s 2-week leave, midway through his 13-month deployment to Iraq. We were standing in front of our house at zero dark-thirty getting ready to make the dreaded trip back to the airport)

 

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0 Since You Went Away, Part Three: Summer

  • September 24, 2019
  • by Nan McCarthy
  • · Books · Family · fiction · Military life · Since You Went Away (Part Three: Summer) · Titles

Since You Went Away, Part Three: Summer
Nan McCarthy
(Rainwater Press, 2019) 216 pages
F I C T I O N

School’s out but the Mahoney family’s summer is anything but lazy. As they inch closer to the halfway point of Liam’s year-long deployment to Iraq, tensions heighten each time he goes outside the wire, challenging Emilie’s ability to keep it together. Meanwhile Finn and Rory find themselves in some unorthodox situations, providing comic relief for the makeshift family Emilie has assembled in Liam’s absence.

Wade and Isabel’s marriage is on the rocks again, even as Wade makes strides toward personal recovery with the help of the VA and a strong support network. Aunt Dottie’s boyfriend Joey struggles with retirement as his memories of the Vietnam War and a troubled past resurface. Danger closes in on Fakhir’s family in Baghdad as they anxiously await their visas. Unexpected events prompt Fakhir to confide in Emilie, revealing his secrets one morsel at a time. And when it comes to secrets, Agnes shares some whoppers that blow everyone’s preconceptions to pieces.

Propelled by a plot that accelerates with each turn of the page, Since You Went Away portrays in intimate detail the effects of a distant war on the families and returning veterans at home. At once poignant and darkly funny, it is a fly-on-the-wall account of the innermost workings of a military family—their fears and hopes, their struggles and disappointments, their unexpected moments of joy and comfort and laughter.

This is Part Three of a novel released in four parts.

C O M I N G  S O O N:  Part Four: Fall.

 

about the author:

Nan McCarthy is the author of the Since You Went Away series, Chat, Connect, & Crash, Live ‘Til I Die, and Quark Design. The Chat, Connect & Crash series, originally self-published, was acquired by Simon & Schuster and published in trade paperback in 1998. Nan regained the rights to the series and released new editions in 2014. A former magazine editor & technology writer, Nan founded Rainwater Press in 1992 and began selling her books online in 1995. Nan and her husband, a veteran who served 29 years in the Marine Corps, are the proud parents of two adult sons. Nan wrote Since You Went Away after taking a ten-year break from full-time writing to care for the family during her husband’s frequent military travels.

Cover design by David J. High, High Design.
Cover art by GreyLilac (lily pads & flower) + JBOY (dragonflies) / Shutterstock.

 

Click on this link to order the paperback.

 

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Click one of these to order the ebook.

 

New! The Since You Went Away series is now available from bookstores, libraries, & other retailers via Ingram distribution. Ask for the book by name at your local bookseller or library.

 

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1 Since You Went Away, Part Two: Spring

  • October 28, 2017
  • by Nan McCarthy
  • · Books · Family · fiction · Military life · Since You Went Away (Part Two: Spring) · Titles

Since You Went Away, Part Two: Spring
Nan McCarthy
(Rainwater Press, 2017) 226 pages
F I C T I O N

The story continues as winter turns to spring and the Mahoney family faces situations at once heartbreaking and heartwarming. Not yet halfway through Liam’s year-long deployment, Emilie keeps a close eye on news from the Middle East as she attempts to maintain a sense of normalcy for everyone around her. She tries—but doesn’t always succeed—to be both mother and father to Finn and Rory, who must deal with the usual pressures of high school while worrying about their dad’s safety in a war zone.

Meanwhile, Fakhir becomes part of the family, providing comic relief with his language mishaps but still unable to open up about the past he left behind in Baghdad. The family welcomes Lucia into the fold, a would-be high-school dropout whose saucy exterior belies a new-found determination to do whatever it takes to keep her life on track.

Wade carries on the fight to save his marriage to Isabel, all while battling his personal demons and navigating a system ill-prepared to care for its veterans. The quirky and vivacious Aunt Dottie enters the scene with her leisure-suit-wearing boyfriend Joey, a Vietnam veteran devoted to Dottie and her tyrannical Jack Russell Terrier, Jacques.

Set against the backdrop of the Iraq war in the year 2008, Since You Went Away portrays in intimate detail the effects of a distant war on the families and returning veterans at home. With an undercurrent of suspense, it is a fly-on-the-wall account of the innermost workings of a military family—their fears and hopes, their struggles and disappointments, their unexpected moments of joy and comfort and laughter.

This is Part Two of a novel that will be released in four parts.

C O M I N G  S O O N:  Part Three: Summer.

 

about the author:

Nan McCarthy is the author of Since You Went Away, Chat, Connect, & Crash, Live ‘Til I Die, and Quark Design. The Chat, Connect & Crash series, originally self-published, was acquired by Simon & Schuster and published in trade paperback in 1998. Nan regained the rights to the series and released new editions in 2014. A former magazine editor & technology writer, Nan founded Rainwater Press in 1992 and began selling her books online in 1995. Nan and her husband, a veteran who served 29 years in the Marine Corps, are the proud parents of two adult sons. Nan wrote Since You Went Away after taking a ten-year break from full-time writing to care for the family during her husband’s frequent military travels.

Cover design by David High.
Cover art by Jut.

 

Click CreateSpace to order the paperback.

 

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2 How I Got the Idea for Since You Went Away

  • April 12, 2017
  • by Nan McCarthy
  • · Blog · Books · Family · fiction · Military life · Publishing · Since You Went Away (Part One: Winter) · Titles · Writing
A lot of people ask writers where we get our ideas. Here’s how I came to write my latest novel, Since You Went Away.
Nan McCarthy

In 2008, my husband was on a year-long deployment to Iraq. Staying home on a Friday night, I happened upon a 1944 film on Turner Classic Movies called Since You Went Away. Produced by David O. Selznick and starring Claudette Colbert, it’s about a mom and two daughters fending for themselves on the homefront while the dad is off serving in World War II. The film is at once poignant, lighthearted, and somber. I immediately fell in love with the story.

Further research led me to the 1943 novel (of the same name) by Margaret Buell Wilder, on which the movie is based. Discovering Wilder had written the book in epistolary form (one of my favorite genres), I couldn’t help but fall even more in love with the story.

My first thought was, why has no one updated this story for modern times? Since You Went Away is an unusual kind of war movie in that it focuses completely on what’s happening with the family back at home. You could say it’s a war story without the war. I loved the idea of creating a modern-day story that gives readers an intimate glimpse of contemporary military family life in a way that’s accessible and—above all—entertaining. That’s what I set about doing when I started writing the four-part series in 2012.

(Parts One & Two are available now; Part Three will be out sometime this year. I’ll let you know when Part Four comes out after I get Part Three out the door!)

Click CreateSpace to order Nan McCarthy’s Since You Went Away (Part One: Winter) in paperback.

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Click one of these to order Nan McCarthy’s Since You Went Away (Part One: Winter) in ebook.

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5 Since You Went Away, Part One: Winter

  • April 6, 2017
  • by Nan McCarthy
  • · Books · Family · fiction · Military life · Since You Went Away (Part One: Winter) · Titles

Since You Went Away, Part One: Winter
Nan McCarthy
(Rainwater Press, 2017) 172 pages
F I C T I O N

Set against the backdrop of the Iraq war in the year 2008, Since You Went Away portrays in intimate detail the effects of a distant war on the families and returning veterans at home. With an undercurrent of suspense, it is a fly-on-the-wall account of the innermost workings of a military family—their fears and hopes, their struggles and disappointments, their unexpected moments of joy and comfort and laughter.

When her husband Liam leaves on a year-long deployment, Emilie Mahoney strives to be a source of strength for Liam and their two sons. Yet she doesn’t always succeed. Holding down a full-time job, raising two teenage boys, and running a household with a menagerie of pets—all while hosting an Iraqi combat interpreter who comes to live with them as he acclimates to life in the U.S.—Emilie frequently finds herself retreating to her bedroom with a Party Size bag of Lay’s to watch back-to-back episodes of Snapped.

Featuring a deeply human cast of characters ranging from Wade Miller, a charming, charismatic retired Marine officer who watches over the family in Liam’s absence as he struggles with secrets of his own, and the amiable, enigmatic combat interpreter Fakhir al-Azzawi who worries about the safety of his family back in Baghdad as he comes to terms with trauma from his past, to the wacky and bothersome neighbor Agnes Hawkins who always manages to say the wrong thing and whose favorite pastime is watching the goings-on at the Mahoney house from her living-room window, Since You Went Away is at once darkly funny, poignant, and un-put-downable.

This is Part One of a novel that will be released in four parts.

C O M I N G  S O O N:  Part Two: Spring.

 

about the author:

Nan McCarthy is the author of Chat, Connect, and Crash, Live ‘Til I Die, and Quark Design. The Chat, Connect & Crash series, originally self-published, was released in trade paperback by Simon & Schuster in 1998 and has been widely translated. Nan regained the rights to the series and published new editions in 2014. A former magazine editor & technology writer, Nan founded Rainwater Press in 1992 and began selling her books online in 1995. Nan and her husband, a veteran who served 29 years in the Marine Corps, are the proud parents of two adult sons. Nan wrote Since You Went Away after taking a ten-year break from full-time writing to care for the family during her husband’s frequent military travels.

Cover design by David High.
Cover art by Larry Jacobsen.

 

Click CreateSpace to order the paperback.

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Click one of these to order the ebook.

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8 A Hero’s Welcome: Parades & Promises

  • February 2, 2014
  • by Nan McCarthy
  • · Blog · Family · Featured · Military life · Politics

A homecoming parade is a beautiful thing, but what veterans and their families really need is for America to keep its promises.

Nan McCarthy

I love the new Budweiser commercial that’s airing in today’s Super Bowl. Since Anheuser-Busch released the one-minute ad featuring Army Lt. Chuck Nadd, who served as a helicopter pilot in Afghanistan, and his surprise welcome-home parade put on by his hometown of Winter Park, Florida in conjunction with Anheuser-Busch, my eyes well with tears every time I watch it. As the wife of a retired Marine, I’m grateful to Anheuser-Busch—and all Americans—for these demonstrations of appreciation toward our veterans.

My own husband’s homecoming from Iraq on a cold Valentine’s night in 2009 wasn’t nearly as exciting and romantic as the one shown in the Budweiser commercial. He arrived at Kansas City International airport near midnight, virtually anonymous save for his high-and-tight, disembarking from a commercial jet wearing civilian clothes because he’d already gone through post-deployment debriefing with the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force in Twentynine Palms, CA, and Marines don’t wear their uniforms (for security reasons) when flying on commercial aircraft. So when he finally emerged from the deserted gate area it was just him and me and a long hug and silence. We were both too choked up for words, but the hug said everything we needed it to say.

My husband retired from the Marine Corps in 2011 after 29 years of service. Our two sons are young adults now, 20 and 23. They didn’t ask to be born into a military family, but they managed that burden with grace, surviving multiple moves throughout their childhoods, adapting to new schools and finding new friends and always knowing what it’s like to be the new kid. It wasn’t an easy life for them, but even they will tell you they’re better human beings because of the challenges they faced as “military kids.”

I’m happy so many people will see Budweiser’s “A Hero’s Welcome” commercial during the Super Bowl today. I think it will bring tears to a lot of people’s eyes, not just veterans and their families. I know the gratitude people feel toward our veterans is genuine.

But if you’re not in the military, or related to someone who’s in the military, you probably don’t know that this past December, Congress passed legislation as part of the Bipartisan Budget Act of 2013 that, starting in 2015, will reduce the Cost of Living Adjustment (COLA) of retired service members’ pensions by 1% per year until the age of 62. This may not seem like a lot, but according to the Military Officer Association of America (MOAA), this amounts to a potential lifetime loss of nearly $83,000 for an enlisted service member with 20 years of service and approximately $124,000 for an officer with 20 years of service.

Maybe you’re one of those people who think that military pensions are too generous. After all, a person can serve 20 years in the military, retire at a relatively young age, start a new career and earn a paycheck from that job while also collecting a monthly military pension. Just looking at the numbers, it does seem pretty generous, especially when compared to most other jobs with limited or non-existent pension plans. But I’m pretty sure the folks who think that military pensions are too generous—that cutting service members’ retirement compensation is no big deal—have never served in the military, or had a family member who served.

And if you’re one of those people, I don’t blame you for not being aware of the hidden costs of military service. If you’ve never worn the combat boots or stood at the tarmac waving goodbye to the person you love, how could you possibly know the sacrifices involved in serving in the military?

Most everybody knows about the scariest and most dramatic aspects of military service: the possibility of losing one’s life, of suffering permanent physical injuries and/or lifelong psychological trauma—these are the more obvious risks associated with putting one’s self in harm’s way. Then there’s the extended absences, the heartbreak of missing important life events like the birth of a child or your teen’s high school graduation, and the emotional toll these absences take on marriages and children.

While these are the most well-known types of sacrifices made by service members and their families, if you’re not from a military family, you’re probably not aware of the more mundane, long-term costs associated with military life. Like the fact that most military families never have a chance to build equity in a home because of moving every three years and, even if they’re lucky enough to purchase a home (vs. renting) at each duty station, they usually take a loss or break even every time they have to sell. And have you ever considered how nearly impossible it is for most military spouses to sustain a career when they not only have to switch jobs due to moving to a new location every three years but are also left in charge of finding the new house, selling or renting the old house, enrolling the kids in new schools, finding the new dentist, etc. because their service member is either deployed or required to devote his time to getting “snapped in” to the new job? This inability to maintain a career over the 20+ years of a spouse’s military service costs military families hundreds of thousands of dollars in lost wages, not to mention the chance to earn an additional pension. Because—assuming a spouse is able to find someone willing to hire him or her at each new duty station, most military spouses never have the chance to keep a job long enough to earn retirement at any one location.

So, you say, military people knew all this stuff when they signed up. Yes, that’s true. Military people were also told when they signed up that they would earn a specific amount in retirement earnings based on their rank and time in service. Not just told, but promised. And a lot of service members—and their families—made the decision to stick it out long enough to reach the 20-year mark for precisely that reason—so they could earn the retirement benefits they were promised. And now Congress is reducing those benefits—taking them away from our service members. By passing this legislation, Congress is saying, yeah, we did promise you a certain compensation package when you signed up, and yeah, you did risk your life and health and family stability thinking you would receive that certain compensation package if you stuck it out long enough.  But we really gotta balance that budget, so we’re yanking the rug out from under you and just changing the terms of our agreement with you a teeny tiny bit, and though we know you military folks are going to hoot and holler about it, we’re betting on the fact that the average American either won’t notice or won’t care.

As the wife of a veteran I admit to taking this a bit personally. And yeah, I’m angry about the potential loss of income from my husband’s retirement pay. But what really concerns me—beyond the lack of integrity shown by our Congress in breaking a promise made to our service members—is how this bait and switch will affect the future strength of our all-volunteer force, playing out in recruiting stations across the U.S. I’m picturing a recruiter sitting down with a young recruit and his or her parents or spouse, talking about the great benefits package he or she can look forward to upon retirement, when the potential recruit replies, yeah that all sounds great… but what if Congress decides to take those benefits away from me after I’ve put in my 20 years, like it did to service members in 2013?

So when you’re watching the Super Bowl today, and you shed a tear at the heartfelt “A Hero’s Welcome” Budweiser commercial, please do our veterans a favor. Show your thanks by going to the MOAA Legislative Action Center and completing the online form that will send a message to your House and Senate representatives asking them to repeal the provision (Section 403) in the Bipartisan Budget Act that cuts retirement benefits for current and future military retirees: http://capwiz.com/moaa/issues/alert/?alertid=63042726. (And if you’re the social media type and want to do even more, use the #KeepYourPromise hashtag on Twitter, Facebook, and other social media to let Congress know know how much you honor our veterans’ service.)

A homecoming parade is a beautiful thing, but what veterans and their families really need is for America to keep its promises.

Pat, Ben & Coleman. Iraq. 2008

copyright © 2014 Nan McCarthy

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